August 10, 2010

Hot Days in New York City: An Ennui Advisory is in Effect

URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE...
WALKING OFF THE BIG APPLE GREENWICH VILLAGE NEW YORK NY US A


...VERY BORING WEATHER THROUGH TUESDAY...

 AN ENNUI ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 9 PM EDT THIS EVENING ACROSS ALL THE BOROUGHS OF NEW YORK CITY AND NEARBY LESSER TOWNS OF WHICH WE ARE UNFAMILIAR.

ENNUI ADVISORY INDICES THIS AFTERNOON WILL REACH THE MID-90S ACROSS NEW YORK CITY, MAKING IT COMPARABLE TO HOUSTON, TEXAS ON A REALLY BAD DAY. INDICES ARE MEASURED BY NORMAL CLIMATE AND HUMIDITY LEVELS COMBINED WITH THE PERSONAL BREAKING POINTS FOR HEATED CONVERSATIONS WITH SIGNIFICANT OTHERS, THE SLOW SPEED OF YOUR DOG WHILE WALKING, THE GENERAL ENNUI OF COWORKERS AND FRIENDS, THE HIGH PERCENTAGE OF CONVERSATIONS STUCK ON THE TOPIC OF THE HEAT AND HUMIDITY, AND THE MALAISE THAT ACCOMPANIES A FEELING THAT THE DAY WILL NEVER END.

COPING/DENIAL ACTIONS...

AN ENNUI ADVISORY IS ISSUED FOR NEW YORK CITY WHEN CONDITIONS ARE EXPECTED TO LIMIT WARDROBE CHOICES AND THE ABILITY TO REMAIN ON A SUBWAY PLATFORM WITHOUT PASSING OUT. DRINK PLENTY OF WATER, ESPECIALLY FROM ONE OF THE 10 OR MORE PLASTIC BOTTLES OF POLAND SPRING WATER UNNECESSARILY ACCUMULATING IN THE REFRIGERATOR…STAY IN AN AIR-CONDITIONED MUSEUM. MUSEUMS IN NEW YORK OPEN ON TUESDAY INCLUDE AMERICAN FOLK ART MUSEUM, GUGGENHEIM MUSEUM, INTERNATIONAL CENTER OF PHOTOGRAPHY, THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART, THE MORGAN LIBRARY & MUSEUM, THE MUSEUM OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK…FORGET MOMA ON TUESDAYS, THEY WERE OPEN YESTERDAY AND YOU BLEW IT…

FIND A PLACE TO GO NEAR A SUBWAY STOP (SEE FOOTNOTE) OR STAY NEAR A SOHO BOUTIQUE THAT KEEPS ITS DOORS OPEN AND WASTES ENERGY…ANOTHER GOOD IDEA IS TO VISIT THE MAIN BRANCH OF THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY, THE ONE WITH THE LIONS OUT FRONT, BECAUSE IT IS AIR-CONDITIONED AND RIGHT THERE WITH SEVERAL SUBWAY STOPS. HOURS ON TUESDAY ARE 10 A.M. UNTIL 9 P.M. AND SINCE IT'S NEXT TO BRYANT PARK AND FOOD PLACES, IT WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE TO SPEND THE DAY…OR THAT PLACE AT LINCOLN CENTER DESCRIBED IN YESTERDAY'S POST.

NEW YORKERS SHOULD PLAN TO CALL IN BORED TODAY.

…AND CHECK UP ON BORED RELATIVES, DOGS AND NEIGHBORS.

NEW YORK CITY RESIDENTS SHOULD IDENTIFY CAFES AND BARS THAT LEAVE THEM ALONE.

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WALKING OFF THE BIG APPLE KNOWS WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:

GOOD SUBWAY STOPS FOR BAD WEATHER DAYS: A LIST OF STATIONS NEAR MAJOR NYC ATTRACTIONS

6 comments:

Tinky said...

Im sorry; I just can't picture you with all that ennui. You have too much energy! BUT I loved the post anyway.

Terry B, Blue Kitchen said...

What a great, funny post, Teri! Sorry you're being blasted by the heat. We are too here in Chicago. Besides museums, catching up on movies in air-conditioned theaters is a good way to cool off and perhaps reduce ennui levels.

Teri Tynes said...

Thank you both. And you are so right, Terry B., about seeking the confines of the air-conditioned movie theater. Alas, though, the current offerings at the cinema leave me full of Eat, Pray, and Ennui, if you get my drift.

Terry B, Blue Kitchen said...

Yes, the cinematic summer doldrums. But that's what art-house theaters are for.

Meg said...

Along the same lines as summer movies, check out a show this weekend at the Fringe Festival. Cool theatres and cheap prices on unique shows you'll likely never get to see otherwise.

Anton Deque said...

Moi? Bored? WOTBA boring? Oh, it's a heatwave. I have heard of them. Me no like the heat so heading out of the kitchen ...

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